Helping a troubled teen
“Adolescence is a stage — a disease from which most of us recover,” says Rachel Thomas, coordinator for in-house therapy at Child & Family Services in New Bedford.
“It is challenging for all, and yet for others it can lead to success.”
How parents can help teens
- Be attentive to teens’ moods. Look for any significant changes in behavior, such as sleep patterns, increased irritability, isolation or a shift in the way they interact in the family.
- Empathize. You don’t have to understand how a child got to a certain point or think you have to fix it. But you can say, ‘That’s got to feel really lousy.’”
- Spend as much time with them as possible. Experts no longer believe “quality time, not quantity time” is the best choice. With families so busy, teens need time to warm up to their parents to be able to communicate with them.
- Get your own issues healed so you can help your child. Get yourself whatever help you need in order to be a good role model.
- Recognize that you can tell a child over and over that something has to change but, ultimately, it has to be the child’s decision. People don’t change until they realize they need to or because they hurt enough that they have to.
- Help to get a child involved in something meaningful, something that makes a child feel wonderful.
- If a troubled child doesn’t feel like he can talk to his parents, make sure he’s talking to somebody – somebody who is trusted, has wisdom and has experience.
Sources: Kristen Davies, coordinator of Child’s Behavioral Health Initiative at Child & Family Services of Cape Cod; Andrea MacAulay, clinical psychologist, with Behavioral Consultants in New Bedford; mom Catherine Ould; lawyer Bruce Bierhans; Rachel Thomas, coordinator of in-home therapy for Child and Family Services in New Bedford; the Rev. Doug Scalise of Brewster Baptist Church.
That may be good news for parents of teenagers, but the road to that recovery may seem harder than ever. Adolescence has always been a challenge, a tough transition for both teens and parents, but there is a different set of hurdles these days.
Experts say drug use is starting earlier and is increasingly related to prescription drugs that could be swiped from Grandma’s shelves. Violence and sex are more prevalent in movies and TV shows than a generation ago. Cell phones and other technologies can give parents a false sense of security because there’s no way of knowing exactly where a child is when he makes or returns your call.
What can parents do to buck these trends?
Start early, pay attention and empathize to keep paths of communication open, says Kristen Davies, coordinator of the Child’s Behavioral Health Initiative at Child & Family Services of Cape Cod in Hyannis. Spend as much time as you can with teens in order to give them time to feel comfortable enough to trust you and talk to you, adds Andrea MacAulay, a clinical psychologist with Behavioral Consultants in New Bedford.
Sometimes, however, in spite of parents being available and vigilant, adolescents may still need some help from outside the family to deal with the temptations and confusion of those years. Remember your unsuccessful attempts to teach your child multiplication, but he listened attentively and learned from a favorite teacher? Or when you tried to get her to hold the bat a certain way, but her swing only improved after the coach gave advice?
That kind of non-family support can help in some more serious situations, too.
Experts say it’s important for parents to be open to the possibility that their children will draw close to others who offer healthy support, and that the right mentor or confidant can help them achieve success.
We talked to three teens for whom that kind of help did, indeed, make a difference.
Similar Posts:
- Bedroom Furniture Store
- Teaching kids about money pays off
- Child safety: Is there an app for that?
- Parent education and support calendar
- Using Design To Edit Our Lives, Improve Happiness & Reduce Eco-Impact [Video]
